I am tired, bone-weary tired. So, I decided to see what the Bible had to say about my condition (I have never looked up the word before). A quick look in Strong’s or Young’s will show you that the word tired (meaning exhausted or fatigued) doesn’t exist in the King James Version. Not that the concept doesn’t exist in the Bible, just not in those terms.
Fortunately, in this computer age I was able to look up tired in other versions using the wonderful site BibleGateway.com. It didn’t take me long to discover that the biblical word is weary. While recent usage has pushed tired into the realm of mental fatigue (I am tired of your complaints), weary was the original choice for both physical and mental fatigue. Using weary as my starting point I soon found a wealth of commentary. Proverbs 30:1 hits how I feel right on the head.
The words of Agur son of Jakeh. The oracle.
The man declares, I am weary, O God;
I am weary, O God, and worn out. Proverbs 30:1
Two months of continuous work on my Father’s house, along with the added pressure of dealing with family and all of the conflicting agendas, as well as past relational issues has taken its toll. I am tired/weary/exhausted/take your pick. It has gotten very hard to get out of bed in the morning. Everything aches, including my spirit.
That doesn’t mean I would change a thing. I would do this over in a heartbeat. It has all been worth every difficulty because long-broken fences have been mended and important time has been spent with those who are fundamentally important to whom I am as a person. In addition, God has used this time to move me along in my ongoing discipleship journey in ways I could not have done otherwise.
However, the words of Augur don’t end there. He goes on to say,
Surely I am too stupid to be a man.
I have not the understanding of a man.
I have not learned wisdom,
nor have I knowledge of the Holy One. Proverbs 30:2-3
That happens when you are bone-weary and beaten down by circumstance. Your judgment gets faulty and it seems like everything you thought you knew has deserted you. You begin to question everything, including your understanding and relationship with God. One door into a dark night of the soul seems to be simply getting worn out.
That is where the support of your brothers and sisters in Christ come into play. As Paul says,
there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it… 1 Corinthians 12:25-26a
The support of my brothers and sisters in Christ has been extremely important during this time, both their prayers and their encouragement. I want to take a moment to thank all those who have prayed for and encouraged me through this adventure. I have a little over a week to go, so I covet your continued efforts on my behalf.
I guess the moral of this story is if you find yourself getting weary or exhausted, take special care with your spiritual life. You are very vulnerable at those times and will have a tendency to see things in the worst light, questioning what you once knew. It is a time for prayer and friends, brothers and sisters in the Lord. It is time to trust God, to exercise your faith and hope and know that “this too shall pass.”
Grace and peace to your day and may God grant you the grace you need to get beyond your times of weary exhaustion.