Lent: Day Twenty

We are at the halfway point of our observance of Lent and I must say this has been a unique experience, trying to blog my daily Lenten experience. Observing Lent is usually a private thing and to expose my thoughts for the day had been both difficult and rewarding. I must explain that I have to censor some of what I meditate on during the day, since some things are too personal or because they include another person, too private.

With that in mind, today has been a busy day. I am trying to get back on track with my study of Knowing God. Putting together my thoughts on a chapter, based on the study I have been doing with a small men’s group takes me a good bit of time. I find it easy talk my way through study, working in a verbal interaction mode.

That is because I am primarily a verbal thinker and some of my best insights come while just talking or dialoging with someone. When I sit down and try to write, however, things slow way down and it takes considerably more work to produce the same material. I guess you could I work slowest and have the least number of insights when I just sit and quietly think. I work faster and get more insights when I write, like right now. Finally, I work fastest and get the most insights when I work in verbal mode, talking notes as I go. While I have often tried to simulate verbal mode by “talking to myself”, it is not the same without some there to push back, even if it is only with their attention (or lack of).

That is probably the underlying reason Lent has not been significantly productive for me in the past. Too much of my time was spent alone and in quiet thinking mode. This time I have added writing to the mix. I was hoping to get a few comments, giving me something to push against, but beyond the initial discussion about how many and which days count as the 40 days of Lent I haven’t had any comments.

As a matter of fact, I don’t get a lot of comments generally. I wonder, why? My daily traffic is four to five times what it as last fall, but the comments are about the same. Even when I post something I consider somewhat controversial, such as my Christian Carnival post on the Eucharist, I don’t get much of a reaction. That post didn’t get a single comment, though it was directly accessed over 25 times and as the post for the day well over a hundred times.

Why do I bring this up? Because it is what I am thinking about today; I am meditating on why the lack of comments bothers me. I am also questioning whether or not I want a lot of comments that need responses.

One of the things I have discovered recently is that I am more of a private person than I previously thought. I have always considered myself an extrovert and public person. I don’t have a problem speaking in front of crowds; I actually enjoy the energy crowds give to your presentation efforts. I don’t have a problem meeting new people and engaging strangers in conversations. However, I also have learned I love working alone, without interruption, in my home office. Some of that is related to my ADD and how interruptions affect my ability to concentrate, but not all. I find I also just enjoy the solitude. That has bee a revelation for me and I feel an important one.

Do you enjoy solitude while also being an extrovert or am I just an odd bird?

Grace and peace to your day.