I have begun collecting those things that I am sure every wife wants but may not be willing or able to tell their husbands. Periodically I will post three of them at time. My goal is to then try to implement those particular things in my relationship with my wife in the days following their posting. Over time I hope to see myself become a better husband. It is never too late to teach an old dog new tricks. I will be happy to hear from women who have ideas on how to expand this list. Now for your consideration:
1. Centrality. When you are out she wants to be the center of your attention, even when the focus is on something else (a ballgame, a play, a movie). She wants to know that when she needs it she can get your attention immediately and compared to any other woman who might be in the same universe with you she is number one by a wide margin.
2. Complimentary. She wants to be complimented, even if it is related to peripheral things like her clothes, or her shoes, but any other choice she might make (good suggestion on this restaurant dear, I am glad you suggested we…) works just as well. It tells her on a continuing basis that you value her, that you still love her, that you notice what she says and does.
3. Requested. She wants to be asked, not told. “Would you like to go the movies”, rather than “let’s go to the movies.” It means she is important enough to be asked, to be considered. This is especially important after you have kids so that she feels she is being treated like an adult as well as your wife and not lumped in with the children.
So my goal for the immediate future is to work on treating my wife as central, with ongoing compliments, and always to remember to ask and not tell. May by the grace of God you join me in this quest.
Almost missed this one…excellent. She has trained you well, Obi-wan! Kidding. I feel so selfish when trying to “get” my husband to do these things. Um. The thing you said the other day is possibly the most important one…listening and affirming, or hearing, then disagreeing even…but always letting her know you understand what she said. Perhaps we are too needy and sensitive, but it sure seems like you are doing the right things as best you can. Perhaps you could do a thing on what you guys need?!